heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
