"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
