if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
