Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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