Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
