i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette