Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.