I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down