8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
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i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
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I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off