and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
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We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.