just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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