If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
