Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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