go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
