Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Your dad touched me again.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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