First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
