Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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