every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
