Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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