fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
