Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
