worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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