I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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