somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
