Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
