my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
