Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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