I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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