Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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