My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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