If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
