Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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