Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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