I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
