FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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