i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
