I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
