So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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