so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
