I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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