that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
