My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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