I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
