I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
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