does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
