I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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