i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
