I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
