I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
