I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
