Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
