I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
