dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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