For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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