were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
