i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize