THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
