I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
