some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
