Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
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All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
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Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize