I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
