That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
tell your sister to shave her snatch
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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