I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
