I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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