dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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