i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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