Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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