God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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