sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
