That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
