Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
