He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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