No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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