My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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